


How the Crystal Gems Ruined/Saved Christmas

by CoreyWW



Series: The Connie Maheswaran Fanclub (Main Series and Extra Content) [5]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Comedy, Demons, Family Fluff, Flashbacks, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Holidays, Humor, Krampus - Freeform, Lies, Secret Santa, Silly, Team as Family, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 11:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17243588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW
Summary: “Oh hey!” Amethyst said after swallowing the can in a single gulp. She tapped one of the photos. “That’s from the Christmas Steven got scarred for life!”Connie looked at the photo, Jeff and Peedee glancing over her shoulder. It showed a tiny Steven, maybe aged seven or eight, holding a frying pan and smiling at the camera with Greg and the Gems. Steven leaned over and saw before bursting into laughter.“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that,” Steven said. “I’ve accumulated so much more trauma since then.Hahahahahahahaha!” Steven’s smile got strained before he simply sighed. “Ah, memories ...”[A Secret Santa gift for Citrusella. A fun holiday with the Connie Maheswaran Fanclub (Connie, Steven, Jeff and Peedee), Greg, and the Crystal Gems turns into a remembrance of a prior Christmas shenanigan when Steven was younger involving lying to children, bad decisions, and fighting a monster.]





	How the Crystal Gems Ruined/Saved Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [citrusella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/gifts).



> A Secret Santa gift for [citrusella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella) (who is a great author you should definitely check out).
> 
> This is technically related to [The Connie Maheswaran Fanclub](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7746817/chapters/31637655), but very minorly so reading that prior to this is not required. If you haven't read that and like the idea of more shenanigans with the kids (and a lot more of Peedee and Jeff [aka that One Kid that Got His Arm Broken in Mindful Education]), feel free to check that out.

“Ah, I love this time of year,” Steven said as he opened the can of cranberry sauce and plopped it on a plate.

“It is very wholesome,” Connie said, sitting on the other side of the bar in the kitchen next to Peedee and Jeff. She had an old photo album of Steven’s flipped open. “It looks like your family has had a lot of good times around the holidays.”

“Hehe, yeah ...”

Peedee put his elbow on the bar and held his chin up.

“It is nice to be around a more conventional Christmas,” Peedee said. “Ronnie is going through this phase where he wants us to celebrate Halloween now instead of Christmas because--” He held up air quotes. “Celebrating Christmas now is what ‘they’ would be expecting.”

Jeff smiled. “Is that why you’re wearing orange today?”

“No, I’m wearing orange because it makes me look _fine_.”

“Fair enough.” Jeff said beaming.

Steven examined the wiggling cranberry sauce before him. “Anyone want me to cut a disc of this for you?”

“Hm ... I’m okay.” Connie turned the page. “I’m not a fan of cranberry sauce.”

“Ditto,” Peedee said without looking up.

Jeff’s jaw dropped.

Steven’s eyes went wide in mock horror.

“I ... I don’t know if I can look at you two the same way anymore,”  Steven said, shaking his head slowly. “I might have to ask you both to leave.”

“ _WE ARE OVER!_ ” Jeff said to Peedee.

“Totally worth it,” Peedee without making eye contact.

“Stuffing is better,” Connie said.

There was silence as they all glared at each other in mock anger. Within seconds, all four of the kids both broke down laughing.

A moment later, the screen door swung open and Greg walked through, hair slightly fritzed.

“We’re back!” he said, the low crunch of snow on his boots as he stepped inside.

“Hi dad!” Steven said, his eyes bright. “Did that Christmas tree farm still have trees left for sale?”

“Um ... not exactly. But don’t worry, it all worked out.”

In response, Garnet walked in, carrying a large pine tree with roots still dangling from it, flaking off snow, dirt, and loose twigs onto the floor.

“We improvised,” Garnet said.

Pearl and Amethyst entered after her. Amethyst had a wide smile on her face while Pearl covered her mouth, her hand slightly fidgeting.

“Hopefully no one took down our license plate,” Pearl said.

“Not with how fast you were going,” Amethyst said. “We’ll be fine. I mean, it was a victimless crime as long as you don’t think about it too hard.”

Connie, Steven, Jeff, and Peedee glanced at each other and silently agreed not to ask any follow-up questions. Connie looked back down at the album as Amethyst walked up, who took the empty can of cranberry sauce and shoved it her mouth.

“Oh hey!” Amethyst said after swallowing the can in a single gulp. She tapped one of the photos. “That’s from the Christmas Steven got scarred for life!”

Connie looked at the photo, Jeff and Peedee glancing over her shoulder. It showed a tiny Steven, maybe aged seven or eight, holding a frying pan and smiling at the camera with Greg and the Gems. Steven leaned over and saw before bursting into laughter.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that,” Steven said. “I’ve accumulated so much more trauma since then. _Hahahahahahahaha_!” Steven’s smile got strained before he simply sighed. “Ah, memories ...”

“What?” Connie asked. “You look fine in the picture.”

Garnet propped the Christmas tree against the wall and walked over, followed by Pearl and Greg. Garnet simply gave a small smile while Pearl’s face got noticibly paler.

“Oh dear.” Pearl’s hand covered her face. “I still can’t believe I did that ...”

“Well, we fixed it,” Greg said.

“Eventually,” Garnet said. Pearl shirked away.

Connie just stared. “Is anyone going to explain what happened?”

“Yes, please explain the trauma,” Peedee said deadpan. Jeff covered his mouth to keep from laughing.

“Alright, alright,” Greg said. “It was a snowy Christmas Eve just like this. The Gems and I were staying at Vidalia’s while they were away for the holidays, and um ... that night there were some ...” Greg glanced at Pearl. “Problems.”

* * *

 

_“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”_

Greg rushed into the living room to see Steven bawling his eyes out on the couch. Pearl and Amethyst sat on either side of him. Amethyst looked mortified, while Pearl’s hands were clasped over her mouth, eyes wide like saucers.

“Whoa whoa, settle down Stu-ball!” Greg said, crouching down to Steven’s eye level. “What happened?”

Steven closed his mouth, but his lips still began to quiver.

“I--I--I GOT SCARED!” Steven said.

“No no, Steven, it’s-- it’s alright!” Pearl stammered out, voice shakey.

“Yeah, come on, there’s nothing to worry about.” Greg put his large hand on Steven’s shoulder. “I mean, it’s Christmas Eve and--”

“ _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_!”

Amethyst covered her ears.

“Well that helped!” she said sarcastically.

Greg glared at Amethyst.

“ _Amethyst_ ,” he said, a hint of venom in his voice. “What did you say to him?”

“I ...” Amethyst glared and shook her head. “Hey, don’t look at me!” She pointed a finger at Pearl.

Pearl lowered her head, cringing in embarrassment.

Greg sighed. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Garnet. Without needing anything explained, Garnet crouched down in front of Steven, right next to Greg.

“Steven,” she said gently. “I can give you a ride if that will make you feel better. Tell me if you’d like that.”

Steven nodded wordlessly. Garnet lowered her head and Steven crawled on top of her flat hair. Garnet stood up effortlessly, steading him with one hand.

“We’re going to go for a walk,” Garnet said. She turned her head to Greg. “That will give you time to talk about this.”

“Oh ... okay,” Greg said. “Thanks Garnet.”

Garnet nodded then walked out, carrying Steven on her head. Greg glanced back at Pearl.

“Okay ...” he said. “So what _exactly_ happened?”

“Yeah, tell him about your bright idea, Pearl,” Amethyst said, folding her arms.

Pearl frowned.

“Well ...” Her fingers laced together, slightly fidgeting. “Steven was glad to see us and then he asked me to tell him a story. And he asked about Christmas stories, so I told him about Santa--”

“Please tell me you didn’t tell him Santa wasn’t real.”

“Oh please, Greg, I have more sense than _that_!”

“I think the jury’s still out on that one,” Amethyst mumbled.

“Oh hush up,” Pearl said. “I am more than familiar with these rituals thanks to Rose’s ... _fascination_ with such things over the centuries. And I explained that since he was very good, he’d get nice gifts--”

“Uh huh ...” Greg nodded.

“And then he asked what happened to children who weren’t nice, and I said he didn’t have to worry about that, but he still wanted to know ...”

“And you told him they get coal, right?”

“Is that what they say now?”

Greg felt a horrible pit deep in his stomach.

“What ... did you tell him?”

“I um ... well, you see, I haven’t kept current with these traditions exactly so I thought children were still told about the Krampus.”

“The what?” Greg raised an eyebrow.

“She told him about this horrible reverse Santa demon that takes away bad kids!” Amethyst blurted out.

“YOU WHAT?!” Greg felt his face get hot.

“I didn’t know they stopped telling children that!” Pearl shouted. “And I _specifically_ said he didn’t have to worry about that because he’s a good child but--”

“ _You don’t tell an eight year old about demons_!”

“Well I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with the times, Greg! _It’s not like I’m six thousand years old or anything!_ ”

“Um, is this really helping?” Amethyst said.

Greg stopped and took a breath. Pearl folded her arms, her eyes downcast.

“She’s right ...” Greg said.

“Yes ...” Pearl rubbed her temple. “I need to find some way to fix this.”

“W-well he’s probably still excited for Christmas,” Amethyst said. “Maybe he’ll just forget in a little bit.”

Garnet walked back into the room, Steven nowhere to be seen.

“Steven is trying to call the police,” she said flatly.

“WHAT?!” Greg shouted.

Garnet nodded towards the kitchen. Greg ran in, Pearl and Amethyst hot on his heels.

Steven had the cordless phone to ear, nearly hyperventilating.

“Yes, I’d like to report _like a billion kidnappings_!” Steven said.

As fast as he could, Greg grabbed the phone and spoke into it, “Uh, he, uh ....” And unsure of how to end the conversation, he panicked and just hung up. He took a deep breath.

Steven walked up and grabbed Greg’s legs, looking up at him with wide, distressed eyes.

“DAD! WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING! THE KRAMPUS IS GONNA TAKE PEOPLE AWAY! GET THE ARMY!” His eyes moistened.

“Hey, hey.” Greg knelt down, his voice measured, gentle. He wrapped his arms around Steven. “Listen hey, no ... there’s nothing to worry about.”

“But-- but Pearl said--”

Amethyst took a step forward and laid a hand on Steven’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about what Pearl says. _That’s what I do!_ ” she said.

Pearl shot her a dirty look, then relaxed as she turned her attention to Steven.

“Steven ...” she said sweetly. “I’m sorry. I may have ... misspoke ...”

“You ...” Steven frowned, his head shaking slightly. “You didn’t lie, did you? You wouldn’t lie to me, right?”

Pearl’s hand covered her mouth for a fraction of a second before she said, in a hesitant voice, “W-why no, I’d never--”

“So if the Krampus is real, we have to stop it!” Steven said. He pumped his fists up. “We’re the Crystal Gems! We have to protect people!”

“I ...” Pearl grimaced, glancing at Greg, unsure of what to say. “Well the fact is that ... well ...”

“Yes. You’re right. We’ll stop it.”

They turned around to see Garnet, who approached behind Pearl and Amethyst.

“We’ll stop the Krampus,” Garnet said. Her voice was dead serious, as always.

Greg just stared at her.

_Really?_ he thought. _We’re doing this now?_

Pearl and Amethyst seemed uneasy for a moment until she laid hands on both of their shoulders.

“Um... yes!” Pearl forced a smile. “We’ll stop that ... scoundrel.”

“Yeah! Santa will be like ... happy and ... stuff,” Amethyst said.

“YAY!” Steven’s face brightened up and he ran up and hugged Pearl and Amethyst. “Thank you, thank you, I love you!”

“Um ... no problem ...” Pearl said, gently ruffling his hair.

Greg rubbed the back of his neck. _Oh boy, this is gonna be interesting._

“R-right,” Greg said. “I’ll even help ...”

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a siren outside, along with blue and red lights flashing through the window.

“And I’ll start helping by explaining that 911 call to the police,” Greg said with a sigh.

“Good,” Garnet said.

* * *

That night, Steven sat up wide awake in Sour Cream’s bed, holding a frying pan.

Greg grinned hesitantly, feeling the eyes of the Crystal Gems on his back as they watched from the door.

“Um ... you know Stu-Ball, it might be easier if you try to sleep. Santa still has to come, you know,” he said.

Steven shook back back and forth repeatedly, eyes wide.

“I’ll sleep after the Crystal Gems stop the Krampus.”

“Ooooh kay. Well ... I’m uh ...” He glanced back to the Gems. “We’re gonna go ... look around real quick. You just ... try to relax for just a few minutes.”

“Okay,” Steven said, in a tone and facial expression indicating he was not going to relax at all.

Greg kissed his forehead.

“Love you,” he said.

Steven managed a small smile.

“Love you too, dad.”

Greg nodded then walked back to the door. He slowly closed the door behind him. Greg exhaled.

“Alright, so how is this gonna work,” he said.

Pearl and Amethyst both looked to Garnet, whose expression was as unreadable as ever.

“I hope you have a plan. I still gotta get all the presents out of the van,” Greg said. “... actually now that I think about it, I should put this on.” Greg reached in his pocket and pulled out a red Santa hat. He pulled it on. “How do I look?”

“Like you put on a red hat,” Pearl said flatly.

“Okay, I admit it’s not the most seamless disguise but it does the job,” Greg said. His eyes flicked up to Garnet. “So what’s your idea?”

Garnet put her hand to her chin, glanced to the door, then all of a sudden yelled out, “LOOK OUT! THERE HE IS!”

“Huh?” Greg said.

Garnet stomped her feet on the floor. “I have him! In my hands!” Garnet looked to Pearl then nodded towards the door. “Pearl, go hold the door shut to protect Steven. From the Krampus. Who is here.”

“... OH! Um ...” Pearl ran over to the door and held it shut. “You won’t terrorize humans anymore you ... cursed ... thing, you.”

Greg palmed his face. There was no way this was going to work.

He heard knocking from inside the room. The doorknob jiggled as Pearl held it fast.

“YOU GOT HIM?! HE’S HERE!” Steven shouted.

“Yes,” Garnet said. “That is what is happening.”

Amethyst slowly grinned.

“Hehe, yeah,” she chuckled. She raised his voice. “And now I’m punching him in the stomach!” Amethyst reached out and punched the wall with a loud thud. “And he’s like ‘uuuuuuuggggghhhhh bleeeeeehhhh!’”

The doorknob stopped jiggling

“GO GET HIM AMETHYST!” Steven shouted.

Greg just stood in shock, unable to believe any of this was working.

“OH MY GOSH, YOU GET AWAY FROM PEARL!” Amethyst shouted.

Pearl quirked an eyebrow and mouthed the word “what” but Amethyst grinned even wider.

“Oh no, it got loose and it’s overpowering Pearl super easily! She’s crying, oh wow, that’s really embarrassing! I’ll save you Pearl!” Amethyst walked up to the door and shook it. “There, I saved her!”

Pearl gave Amethyst a look of Murder. The hand not holding Steven’s door tightened into a fist.

“... _thank you, Amethyst_ ,” she said through gritted teeth, just loud enough for everyone to hear. “ _That was helpful ...”_

Amethyst leaned over and whispered, “Well, all this was your fault to begin with.”

“ _It was a mistake!_ ”

Garnet shouted out.

“Enough! Take this!” Garnet stomped on the floor hard enough to shake the floorboards. “And let that be a lesson to you. Now go and never return!”

“YAY!” Steven shouted. “WE SAVED CHRISTMAS!”

Garnet nodded to Pearl, who let go of the door. Immediately it swung open and Steven ran through, wrapping his arms around Pearl, frying pan still in one hand.

“You did it really?” Steven said. “You stopped the Krampus?”

“We sure did,” Pearl said.

Garnet walked up and ruffled Steven’s hair.

“Yep,” Garnet said. “I made him promise to only give bad children coal from now on. And he’ll never take anyone away again. _Or his fate is sealed._ ”

Steven blinked, then raised his hands in the air, “Yay!” He stopped then looked around. “Wait, where’s Dad, is he-- _SANTA_!” Steven fixed his eyes on Greg.

Greg looked up at the red Santa hat on his head. He broke into a nervous smile.

“Oh ... hey ... Steven,” he said slowly. “Ho ho ho and ... et cetera.”

“Wow, you look a lot like my dad!”

“You know, I get that. I get that a lot.” Greg cleared his throat. “Thanks for saving Christmas ... all of you.”

“No problem,” Garnet said seriously.

“No problem, Santa,” Amethyst said with a chuckle.

“Now I uh ... will just go out to my va-- sled, and get your presents.”

“YAAAAAAAY!” Steven shouted. “This is the best Christmas ever!”

Despite how exhausting that all was, it was very hard for Greg not to smile seeing the genuine exuberance on Steven’s face.

* * *

“And then Steven played with his presents till morning and I got like zero sleep,” Greg said with a smile.

Connie laughed.

“Wow ... that’s quite a story,” Connie said.

Pearl, who had been hanging her head in shame for the majority of the story, scratched the back of her neck.

“I’ve tried to keep more current with traditions since then,” Pearl said.

Amethyst giggled.

“I dunno, I had a lot of fun that Christmas.”

Peedee, his hand on Jeff’s while seated at the bar, quirked his head.

“So wait ... Steven, you really didn’t recognize your dad was Santa?” he asked.

“Oh no, I knew dad was Santa from years before when I realized they both had the same handwriting on the present tags,” Steven said. “I just ... thought it would make everyone more happy if I acted like I hadn’t figured that out.”

“So ...” Jeff said, “you already didn’t believe in Santa ... but you thought the magical Christmas demon Krampus was super real?”

Steven nodded. “Yes. Yes I did.” He added, “I mean, I knew for a fact aliens and magic exist so ...”

“Ohhhhh ...” Jeff said. Peedee nodded as well. “Okay yeah, nevermind, that seems to fit your life pretty well.”

“Well ...” Greg dusted off his hands. “Thankfully we can have a nice peaceful Christmas this year without any of those shenanigans.”

As if on cue, they all heard a siren outside. Blue and red lights shined from outside the windows.

Greg sighed.

“You-- you know what it’s fine, I’m rich, I can afford the fine this time,” he said.

Everyone other than Greg laughed.


End file.
